


laid out on our heart shaped bed

by witchvixx



Category: VIXX
Genre: M/M, and hyuk and hongbin, most of these are just mention except hakyeon, please read the warnings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-25
Updated: 2018-05-25
Packaged: 2019-05-13 18:00:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14753621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/witchvixx/pseuds/witchvixx
Summary: Sanghyuk loved Hongbin more than he could ever describe in words. He would follow him to the end of the world if he asked because he knew that Hongbin would be right there with him when it all ended.





	laid out on our heart shaped bed

**Author's Note:**

> This is based of Nicole Dollangangers album preview “Heart Shaped Bed” which i highly recommend listening to and reading this? It kinda puts you into the mood of 1970/80s midwest America in a motel with neon lights? Anyways listen to her!!! 
> 
> Cross posted on tumblr
> 
> WARNINGS: Major character death, depictions of death, mentions of suicide

Their time together is measured in badly lit motel rooms off the interstate and ashes on the dashboard. 

He can’t remember a time that his whole world didn’t involve Hongbin, didn’t involve road trips across states he didn’t recognize, pit stops in towns that he didn’t know, casual conversations with people that he would never meet again. He used to fear the uncertainty of tomorrow, the fear that one day, Hongbin would get tired of him and just end this game already. He wouldn’t blame him. These past few weeks have been boring countryside and untouched houses for miles and miles.

But he never complains to Sanghyuk. He drives and drives until he can’t keep his eyes open and then he drives more, searching for something that Sanghyuk can’t be too sure of. He hasn’t found it this entire time and Sanghyuk doesn’t think he will. He hopes Hongbin finds whatever he is looking for soon. 

They stop at a motel in the middle of the night, neon purple ‘VACANT’ sign, blinking proudly and brightly in the middle of nowhere. From the road, Sanghyuk can’t make out the name of the motel, not that it really matters anymore. They all blend together in a mess of memories, all plagued with stained bedsheets, unwashed towels, and bloodied mattresses. He grabs their bags while Hongbin checks them in. A one night stay. That’s all they need before they get back on the road, going who knows where for who knows how long. Sanghyuk’s never questioned Hongbin, he’s never had a reason to. Hongbin will give him the life he asked for. He’ll give Sanghyuk anything that he asks for. 

.

Sanghyuk’s bag is light. Some pants, some shirts, and a toothbrush. He doesn’t have a need to carry much for how much they travel. Hongbin had told him to pack light when they left all those weeks, maybe months now, ago.

Hongbin leads them up the metal stairs near the motel office to their room. The key lock is manual like many of the places that they visit. The door itself is a dingy red that was possibly bright at some of its life but due to years of dust and rain and lack of management, it’s been changed into something more dull. It’s nothing special, he’s seen it all before. The room, however, he’s never seen anything like it before.

The lighting is all reds and purples and pinks, flowers decorating the various nightstands that are littered throughout the room- no, suite, Sanghyuk thinks- and the pictures are filled with love scenes that Sanghyuk’s only seen in the movies and in books. In the center of the room, there’s a bed, heart-shaped, covered in silk like sheets and heart-shaped pillows that would be gaudy in any other room but fit in here beautifully. It’s a oasis of color in the muted plains and Sanghyuk loves it. From the look on Hongbin’s face, he think the same. Sanghyuk suddenly feels stupid for not seeing what Hongbin wanted all this time, what he was looking for. He was looking for the perfect place for them. He did all of this, all of this searching and driving, for them.

It’s happening before Sanghyuk can even process it. One moment, he’s standing in awe of the room around him, the next he’s being kissed, hard. It’s been so long that he’s been kissed like this. Hongbin had refused him so long, pushed him away for months and now that it’s happening, he can hardly keep up. He wants Hongbin to hurry but he also wants to take it slow. Who knows when they’ll be able to do this again.

His lips are gone too quickly and Hongbin mumbles something about being back in a while and Sanghyuk only nods, happy for now. He watches the other rush out the door and to the car, starting it up and driving off, leaving Sanghyuk with his thoughts.

He wonders what people back home will say, what they will think of all of this when it’s over and they go home. They left without a note or a number to reach them with or anything that would connect them back home. Hongbin had said it was for the best and who was Sanghyuk to argue with that. He trusted Hongbin with his entire life. He wouldn’t lie.

He wonders, now, if it would be okay to call home just once. Just to check on the others and tell them they will be home soon and to not worry anymore. 

The dial tone rings over and over as he waits for the other line to be picked up. The cheap bedside phone has grayed with use, the speaker quality is mediocre at best. He doesn’t mind, it doesn’t matter, the call goes through anyways.

“Hello?” Hakyeon’s sweet voice chimes over the phone after too many rings. Sanghyuk is suddenly thrust back into college, back to those nights with friends in bars and parties that they shouldn’t have been at and trying things they shouldn’t be trying. Back to when they were laughing down highways, driving fast cars, and found happiness in being alive for those few moments that they got to share together. He sees happy faces and smiles that stretch wider than any interstate he’s ever been on. He feels the warm hugs, the small touches and hands wiping away tears when they moved away from his only real friends, from his family, all for Hongbin. 

“Hi hyung.” Sanghyuk says after a beat, not wanting to waste time. He doesn’t know when Hongbin will be back and he won’t have time when they are done here. He hears a gasp on the other side and keeps the sigh he has to himself. Hakyeon had always been dramatic.

“H-hyukkie? Is that really you? Where are you? Are you safe? Can you talk?” Hakyeon asks a million different questions, none of them Sanghyuk can answer at the moment. He doesn’t really know where ‘here’ is and he’s safe and can talk, he just doesn’t want to waste time answering questions like this.

“I’m fine, hyung. I just wanted to hear your voice.” Sanghyuk interrupts him suddenly and Hakyeon stops talking but Sanghyuk can hear the telltale sound of Hakyeon crying and Sanghyuk feels bad, he didn’t mean to make him cry. He’s calling with good news, there’s no reason to cry like that. “I’m coming home soon hyung, don’t cry.”

This only makes Hakyeon cry more and Sanghyuk doesn’t understand why. It’s a good thing. Him and Hongbin will be home in a few weeks, Hongbin has found what he was looking for.

“Hyukkie, I’m happy. That’s why I’m crying, we’ve all missed you so much, please hurry home.” Hakyeon is able to get out somehow in between sobs and Sanghyuk doesn’t say anything else before hanging up the phone softly. He disconnects the phone wire from the wall, he doesn’t want to be disturbed, knowing Hakyeon will probably try to call again and again to get him to answer.  
.

They’ve been sweethearts ever since college, both of them meeting through friends, finding common ground in video games and books and movies. Their friends had teased them at the time, saying they might as well get married already. Sanghyuk didn’t think that was a bad idea at the time, finding Hongbin attractive and interesting and Hongbin thought the same.

Falling in love was easy. It was quick and painless on both sides, liking quickly turning into love within months. Sanghyuk saw himself with no other person, loving every flaw and quirk that Hongbin had. Hongbin loved the easy nature of Sanghyuk, loved how beautiful he looked in the neon night lights, how they highlighted his face at every angle and every curve. 

When they graduated from college, they moved away from the city, finding peace in the smaller towns. Sanghyuk sometimes wonders if that’s where it all went wrong. The silence of the towns let thoughts run wild and ideas run even more wild. 

Hongbin promised these ideas would never mean anything, that none of them would ever manifest, none of them mattered, he was happy with Sanghyuk. Hongbin couldn’t help that he thought of about blood stained hands and ripped apart ribcages, blood leaking from the wounds and staining the pristine sheets beneath him. He couldn’t stop thinking about the way it would feel to break down someone he loves, piece by piece, making him feel every ounce of pain he’s giving him. Most of all, he didn’t want to think about making love to Sanghyuk one last time as he watches the light slip from his eyes.

Sanghyuk wonders where it all went wrong. He wonders if they were ever normal. He hates to think that they weren’t. He hates it even more that he’s okay with that.

.

Hongbin returns sometime after midnight. Sanghyuk hates that he sat on the bed, just watching the digital clock change numbers minute after minute, the red light illuminating the wilting flowers that sit on the nightstand. He doesn’t think he should have spent is time like this but what else could he do? Hongbin wasn’t there.

When the door opens, Sanghyuk thinks the wait was worth it. The way Hongbin’s eyes light up when he sees him is worth it, the way he slowly walks to the bed and sits next to him and tenderly cups his cheek and brings him in for a soft kiss makes it worth it. 

It’s a blur from there, they know each other well and a few months of no contact doesn’t change that. Hongbin touches him in all of the right places to make him moan and sigh in pleasure and it makes Sanghyuk’s heart soar when he hears Hongbin’s moans mingle with his, the air around them filled with them and only them. It’s when the pleasure mixes with pain that Sanghyuk realizes what is happening and there’s nothing he can do to stop it. Not like he would try to stop it. Hongbin has given him everything, he’s happy to give back everything.

The sheet beneath him is unnaturally warm and sticky and he realizes why when he sees Hongbin’s hand draw back to grab something from the ground. They are covered in blood, warm and red, staining the ivory sheets under him. 

“Sanghyukkie, look at me.” He hears Hongbin say and follows his order like a lost puppy. He hears the click of the camera and see the flash and then a photo is being dispensed. Hongbin shakes it out and sets it outside along with the camera. “Hyukkie, you’re so beautiful like this.”

Sanghyuk isn’t sure what Hongbin is saying, it sounds nice though. He keep talking through all of it, telling Sanghyuk to cry if it hurts, to make the bed look pretty with his blood, to scream if he wants something. 

It all hurts but Sanghyuk doesn’t want Hongbin to stop, he wants to feel every single second, every moment of this and it hurts so much but Hongbin isn’t done. The camera flashes every now and then and Sanghyuk doesn’t think the pictures turn out well but every time that a photo develops, Hongbin praises him for looking gorgeous like this, so it must not be that bad. Hongbin told him that the picture are for the people back home, so everyone can see what they did. They aren’t for him. He’s promised Sanghyuk he’ll follow him when this is all over and Sanghyuk believes him. He’s never had a reason not to.

When the knife enters his ribcage and rips down, Sanghyuk feels the wind leave him. He can’t breathe anymore and it’s difficult to see past the pain He feels Hongbin’s lips on his, kissing him despite Sanghyuk not being able to kiss back. He wants to reach up to touch but he can’t, his body won’t let him, he’s too weak to move and that’s okay. He’ll let Hongbin do the work. 

He feels like his chest is getting ripped apart and it probably is. His mind is too foggy, too cloudy to even make sense of what is happening. He can feel himself slipping, the darkness threatening to consume him and he isn’t ready to go, he hasn’t told Hongbin how much he loves him, how much he would do for him and wants to stay with him just a little longer. Hongbin must understand this, he’s always understood Sanghyuk, because he stops for a moment and kisses him softly, soft enough that Sanghyuk can kiss back, even in his weak state.

“I love you so much, Hyukkie.” Hongbin whispers on his lips and Sanghyuk can feel him say more and more but it’s lost on him, he can’t hear it anymore. He lets the darkness take him away, let’s Hongbin’s voice drift him to sleep, let’s the world become meaningless. 

.

The graveyard is unkept for the most part. There aren’t many people who get buried here anymore, many people looking for a more scenic place to bury loved ones but it’s where Sanghyuk wanted and no one disagreed with a dead man’s wish. Hakyeon hated it, it was all greys and muted colors, nothing like the Sanghyuk he knew. The plants around the graveyard were all dead and lifeless, and it made Hakyeon think it was too fitting. 

He makes the trek to the graves every Sunday nonetheless. He covers them in flowers and lights a candle and sits with them for an hour or two or until Taekwoon or Wonshik come looking for him. When leaves, he touches them one last time before blowing out the candle and walking back home to the small home that he bought in this small town. 

He’d seen the pictures, seen the corpses. He was the one who made the fourteen hour drive to the middle of nowhere town and identified the corpses, Sanghyuk’s family unable to do so, Hongbin’s family didn’t care enough to even try. 

Hakyeon tries not to think of them that way. He doesn’t like to dwell on the fact that the last time he had seen them, he confirmed it was them, his most precious friends, laying on that table. Even worse, he doesn’t like remembering that he threw up immediately after he left the building, unable to take the distorted way Sanghyuk’s body had looked under that blanket, unable to look at the way Hongbin’s once handsome face was covered in gashes and the skin on his chest was torn, like something had tried to rip out his heart.

He was the one who organized the funeral in the small town at the even smaller church that Sanghyuk attended on Sunday mornings. He even bought their old house from the bank, unable to let go of them. Taekwoon had followed him, unable to stay in the city without Hakyeon there. Wonshik and Jaehwan came too, a few months after the funeral. Hakyeon didn’t blame them. This was the only place that they had that had any piece of them left.

The police told him it was a double homicide and Hakyeon wanted to believe that. The others did and Hakyeon wishes he did too, it would make moving on easier. But he couldn’t. He had seen the notebooks in Hongbin’s study, seen the pictures in Sanghyuk’s room, seen the stains on the mattress. 

The photos from the motel were horrifying to see but Hakyeon made himself look at them. They were the last photos of Sanghyuk and Hongbin that he would ever see. He had requested to keep one, one that wasn’t from the motel. It was when they were younger, much younger. He didn’t think that Hongbin had kept the picture, it was unlike him to keep sentimental stuff like this but they had found it in the old beat up bag that he carried with him. 

Hakyeon remembers the picture because he took it. They all were staying at a cheap motel off the highway while heading to a concert in another state. They had rented two room and one had happened to be honeymoon suite. It had been funny, at the time. They took numerous picture with the outlandish decorations, teasing each other with who would sleep on the heart-shaped bed. 

Sanghyuk and Hongbin hadn’t argued when they were chosen to sleep in the bed. They were more than okay with it. While the others argued and talked more about who would sleep where in the next room, the two seemed content with the arrangement. They sat peacefully for once on the edge of the bed, talking about something that Hakyeon couldn’t hear. 

Maybe it was the soft lighting from the open door and the setting sun, or the soft way that they smiled at each other, but Hakyeon lifted the old camera up and took a picture. The flash shocked all of them, protests quickly came from the two youngest about not being ready for a picture but Hakyeon remembers clearly how Hongbin still took the picture and watched it develop. He didn’t realize he kept it all these years.

“Hakyeon.” A soft voice says behind him and Hakyeon knows he’s been out here too long, his fingers going numb from the cold. “Come on, it’s time to go home.”

Hakyeon shakes his head and stands, touching the graves one last time before blowing out the candle. Taekwoon helps him pack up before saying a quick prayer over the graves. Hakyeon waits for him to finish. He ignores the tears that fall down Taekwoon’s cheeks. He has no room to judge.

As they walk home in silence, Hakyeon pulls out the photo. He can’t help himself. He wants to remember them like this. In love and happy and not six feet underground, laying dead in the dirt. 

He cries that night again, thinking of the two boys in love, laying on their heart-shaped bed.


End file.
